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A Love Note To An Insecure Black Girl

Learning To Believe In Yourself Is Hard AF!

As someone who has struggled with self esteem most of my life, trust me I know.  You look around and you see everyone around moving ahead and you just feel stuck. You don’t give yourself credit for any of your accomplishments and you criticize yourself for everything you haven’t done. As you continue to think about what you haven’t done you do nothing and the cycle continues. It is high time to release these negative vibrations and know that you are capable of anything you set your mind to. You just have to set your mind to it. Letter to an Insecure Black Girl is a love note I wrote to myself on April 23, 2020. My hope in sharing it with you is that you will release self-doubt while moving toward self-love, healing, and radical transformation.

Image of Issa Rae from Insecure tv show with the title of the blog
A Love Note to an Insecure Black Girl. A guide to releasing self doubt and increasing confidence and self esteem.

4/23/2020 12:27 PM EST

Struggling With Insecurity

The first step to overcoming any struggle is to identify what it is you struggle with. I’ve struggled with being insecure most of my life. I've questioned my looks my ambition, my ability, my worth, my intellect, my financial decisions, my friendships... simply everything. When dealing with insecurity you doubt and question everything because you doubt and question yourself. You criticize yourself and every move you make. The space in your own head is the scariest place to be.

I can present as confident externally and sometimes I really am. But when I am alone and reflecting I can be extremely insecure. I’m usually beating myself up. I tell myself, “ This could have been better. You should have done that. You should be here and have accomplished x, y, and z by now.” Pretty much I should just be better than I am. The list goes on and on and stays on loop. Sometimes the loop is muted and life is good. One small setback and the loop is back blasting! And then the comparison sneaks in (again) and you spiral downward because you think you don’t stack up to those around you. Of course, this is all in your head. But as previously noted in your head is the scariest place to be, not to mention the loudest! 

Getting Out of Your Head

Getting out of your head and letting go of insecurity is not easy. Trust me, I know. It’s an uphill battle that will come with valleys and plateaus. It’s a journey of self-healing that has to come with forgiveness and love from yourself to yourself FIRST. You have to sit with yourself, hear the loop, realize the lies, and work to turn it down and eventually off. But you can’t just turn it off and leave it. You have to record a new loop! A new loop full of self-loving affirmations. Even if you don’t believe them now, I promise you will over time. I am worthy, I am strong, I am loved, I can achieve anything I put my mind to, I am financially stable. I. AM. PERIOD.

Insecure Black Girl, I promise you will not feel this way forever. Make the decision now to see yourself for who you truly are. You are a gift. You are God’s child. Infinite power lies inside you. Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and let that resonate. My dear you are gold, more valuable than you know. Give yourself permission to be. Not to be anyone else’s expectation, perception, or opinion. Just be you, for you. You deserve it. 

Healing From the Inside Out

As you begin to heal from the inside out give yourself time. Time to feel, process, purge, and grow. There is no timeline, no finish line, and no stop clock. Your journey is uniquely yours. So Insecure Black Girl it’s time to let your insecurities go. It’s time to embrace your beauty and your light. Your passions and your purpose are there you just have to take time to sit in stillness and explore what lies beneath the surface. If you haven’t found them yet just stay curious and they will find you. As you trust yourself you’ll see they have been laying in plain sight all along. God has a plan for you but it only comes to fruition when you say yes and take the first step.

Know that I am on the journey with you and we will get there together!

Love + Light Always,

Mi'Lisa Idora

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